Recently, a friend was telling me how discouraged she was feeling about life. She had recently had many disappointments and struggles, and her normal optimistic self seemed to have disappeared.
I started thinking about what it means to be discouraged and why it happens. I also thought about the impact it can have on a person’s self-esteem and joie de vivre, which is French for joy of living. I wondered how it was connected with sadness, and it turns out there are some distinctions between these two emotions.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, “discouraged” is defined as “having lost confidence or enthusiasm; being disheartened.” Some synonyms include dispirited, demoralized, and deflated. This last one made me think of what happens when a tire or a balloon collapses.
In doing my research, I found the following information from the website Mind-Body Breakthrough: Restoring Control, Inspiring Success to be very informative.
The author Wale Oladipo states that over 95% of the population in any country of the world experiences discouragement. He also says it is one of the biggest obstacles to success.
He then describes the top 3% who have defied experiencing discouragement which has led them to high levels of success.
He shares a list of some of the possible causes of discouragement and what can be done to overcome it:
1) Lack of Clearer Vision: He says that is where everything begins. If you do not know what exactly you want, you will live your entire life being controlled by the opinions of others. Every human contains a powerful success mechanism – which is goal-striving. And it only becomes activated when a clear goal is in view. He recommends that you sit down and decide what you really want to accomplish. “Do not borrow another person’s dream. Set your life goal and believe in its possibility. If you are not passionate and convinced enough about where you are going in life, someone else will succeed in convincing you to look the other way.”
2) The Ego (inner pride) and Fear of Failure: The author combines these two elements because they are interrelated. “The ego is the false self carved by our wrong perceptions of the expectations of others about us…Unless you detach yourself from the false self, the true self, who is creative, energetic and result-driven, cannot emerge. Highly successful people are those who have tamed their ego and are willing to take the next available actions even in the face of fear and discouragement.”
3) Poor Perceptions About Success: “For some, this is the reason why they get discouraged easily – they never really understand how success happens. At school, we were taught how to read, write, solve simple arithmetic, etc. But nobody taught us how to succeed.” He says that success requires courage, perspiration, faith, patience, quality learning and persistence. He says to remember the positive side of failures because they are feedback mechanisms that help you correct your course.
4) Negative Mental Attitude: “Your mental attitude set the height of your perseverance in any given situation. If the attitude of your mind is negative, it will repel any action that is not consistent with its contents. And since accomplishing a goal is positive, it has no chance to survive because of the powerful resistance coming from your mental attitude.”
5) Unhealthy Inner Chattering: “This is arguably one of the most important skills to master in life – how to communicate effectively with yourself. Whether you know it or not – you are always dialoguing with yourself – asking questions and answering questions. If the questions you are asking are negative, they automatically attract negative answers – which will then disrupt your focus and send distress signals to the body, secreting feelings of discouragement.”
6) Past Painful Memories: “Your brain was designed to remember past pains and to alert you against going through the same painful experience. But it is your responsibility to override the fearful memory of the past with the possibilities of today. Give up your past failure history and see today as the first day of the rest of your life. Winston Churchill said, ‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.’ Use your past pain and failures as springboards to your greatness. There is PURPOSE in every painful experience you have been through. … Those who live in the past cannot leap into the future. Scrutinize the past only for the wisdom it contains, then advance boldly in the directions of your goals.”
7) Wrong Associations: “If those you hang out with have no vision, their first assignment is to talk you out of yours. Your association will always determine your acceleration…The quality of your associations determines the quality of your life. It’s even mentioned in the Bible that, “Those who walk with the wise shall become wise; but the companions of fools will be destroyed. (Attributed to Proverbs 1:7) “Wrong association is very costly – more costly than anyone is telling us. What you want to do is to identify quality friends whose vision, passion, and energy are in harmony with yours.”
I hope you appreciate the wisdom shared by Wale Oladipo, who is a Professor of Nuclear Chemistry at the Centre for Energy Research and Development (CERD), Obafemi Awolowo University located in Nigeria, as much as I did. I think the overall message in this blog is my encouragement to you and to my friend that we don’t have to be stuck in a world where we are constantly discouraged. There are ways to avoid discouragement and ways to respond to it when it happens so we can be empowered to achieve success. As Thomas Jefferson said, “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”
Invitation for Reflection
- Are you among the 97% of people who experience discouragement? If so, how often are you discouraged: once in a while, frequently, daily, or all of the time?
- To what degree can you relate to the reasons for discouragement provided by Wale Oladipo: lack of clearer vision, the ego (inner pride) and fear of failure, poor perceptions about success, a negative mental attitude, unhealthy inner chattering, past painful memories and/or wrong associations?
- Which suggestions did you find to be helpful?
- How can you put them into action?
- What do you think the results will be?
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute