Many of us celebrated Mother’s Day this past Sunday. My daughter and grandchildren took me out to dinner which was lovely. I felt very loved and honored for my role in their lives.
But I got to thinking about the women who are not mothers and how sad the day might be for them. Then I considered how they often “mother” others. To mother is actually a verb!
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, mothering includes the following definition: “caring for people in the way that a mother does.”
I think about some friends I know who do not have biological children who care deeply for children in their lives – in other words, they mother others. They might be aunts or friends of the women in their lives. They might be teachers or counselors. There are many ideations of this role.
Interestingly, to father and fathering do not have a similar meaning. By definition, to father is defined as “When a man fathers a child, he makes a woman pregnant and their child is born.” Other definitions included Fathers in the Catholic church and “God the Father.”
I think it is important to be sensitive to women who are not biological mothers and to appreciate just how nurturing they can be, deeply impacting the self-esteem of the women and children in their lives. They make a difference in so many lives! Fathers and those who assume the role of fathers (grandfathers, uncles, dear friends of a family) can be acting in the role of fathering. And those of us who are biological mothers or fathers, we also deeply impact others in our lives as we nurture and empower, i.e., as we mother and act in the role of father.
When you can, I suggest you honor those in your life who are not biological mothers or fathers and thank them for all the ways they nurture and empower the children in their lives.
Invitation for Reflection
- What category of mothering or fathering describes you?
- Does this information increase your awareness and sensitivity to those who are not biological mothers or fathers?
- If you are not a biological mother or father, how does this information impact you?
- What specifically can you do to acknowledge the ways those who are not biological mothers or fathers contribute to the lives of children in their lives?
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute