As the holidays are upon us, many of us face the fact that we live alone (me being one of them – sort of) which can exasperate our feelings of loneliness. Some find living alone to be depressing and others rejoice in the many benefits that living alone can bring.
I invite you to consider where you fall in these two categories: you live alone or you have friends or family members who live alone. As you read this, I encourage you to consider how you and/or others respond to living alone.
One of the things that inspired this blog was an article in the November/December issue of the AARP Bulletin entitled “How Older Americans Embrace the Joys of Living Alone.” At first, I thought the appeal would be for people over 65 but instead it included what I think is fascinating research on all those who live alone. Here is some of the information:
- 21% of U.S. adults age 50 and older – that’s 24 million people – now live alone, without a spouse or partner or anyone else under the same roof. And their numbers are growing fast.
- In 1950, just 9% of all adults lived by themselves. Now 1 in 5 Americans ages 50-54, about 1 in 3 ages 55 to 74 and half of those age 75-plus are aging on their own. By 2038, the majority of people age 80 and older – about 10 million – will be solo agers.
The article provided five insights from those who were interviewed about their feelings and experiences, inviting them to describe what is the best part about this lifestyle:
- Freedom and autonomy: they can do what they want to do when they want to do it
- Independence: they are not answerable to anyone
- Control in decision making: they can feel powerful
- No responsibility for others: they don’t have to care for others unless they want to
- Personal space and comfort: they can decide how they want to furnish their home, how tidy it is, whether or not they drink out of the milk container and then put it back in the refrigerator.
Of course, solo agers can turn to friends for support and guidance. They can socialize with friends, join volunteer groups, go out shopping or walking in their neighborhood.
There are some negatives to living alone: no one is there to make sure they are taking their medications, help them if they fall or care for them if they begin to struggle with a serious illness like dementia, chronic COPD, arthritis, to name a few. Solo agers need to have plans for managing these – plans they need to make before issues arrive.
Many of us know solo agers, some of us are solo agers. Being more aware of their needs and being able to support their decision to live alone, being available if and when they need help are some positive ways to care for them.
Earlier in this blog I said I lived alone – sort of. I have a fairly unique situation in which I live alone in my home but there is a friend who lives downstairs in my in-law suite. We live separate lives but if one of us needs help with something, the other one is happy to do that. People who live alone in an apartment complex or live in a close-knit neighborhood also are less likely to struggle as someone might who lives in the country or somewhere where there are not people nearby.
Especially during these holiday weeks, I think we should all be mindful of the possible needs of solo agers, and if that is us, how we are feeling and what we are needing to bring joy into our lives.
I hope this information has provided you with some insights and guidance. Philosophically, I believe we are all on this journey called life and are called to love one another in meaningful ways.
Invitation for Reflection
- To what extent are you familiar with the concept of solo aging?
- Are you or do you have friends who choose to live alone? How content are they to do this? How well are their physical, emotional and relational needs met?
- Are there solo agers around you who might appreciate your friendship? How can you do this?
- Who might benefit from learning this information?
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute