Have you ever been betrayed? I think most of us would answer yes to this question. Some of us have been betrayed by family members or friends. Sometimes we have been betrayed by our employer. Sometimes by our government.
As usual, I did some research that I found helpful. I hope it is helpful to you.
Merriam Webster says the following:
“Betraying someone means doing something harmful or dishonest that causes them to lose respect, safety, and confidence in you — and this loss of trust can be deeply damaging to both of you.”
They go on by elaborating on the definition and core meaning:
“To betray someone’s trust is to act in a way that violates the confidence, loyalty, or integrity you were expected to uphold. This can include:
- Hiding or concealing important information
- Breaking promises or agreements
- Acting against their best interests
- Engaging in deceit or dishonesty“
Such actions erode the foundation of mutual respect and safety in a relationship.
Why Trust Is So Important
According to an article from Psychology Today,“Trust is like a protective shield — it allows you to feel safe, predictable, and secure in your relationships. When someone you rely on breaks that shield, it’s not just about the act itself, but about the shattering of psychological safety. The brain can treat betrayal like physical pain, triggering fear, hypervigilance, and emotional distress.”
The article goes on to share the following about the psychological impact of betrayal:
“Betrayal trauma — especially from someone close — can:
- Disrupt your sense of reality and safety
- Cause anxiety, depression, or emotional numbness
- Lead to hypervigilance and difficulty trusting others in the future
- Trigger identity crises, as your self-image and role in the relationship are challenged
The Consequence: Loss of Trust
“When trust is lost, the relationship changes. The person who was once a source of protection may now feel like a threat, and you may feel misunderstood or unsafe. This can make even small actions feel threatening, as the survivor’s nervous system remains on high alert.”
Clearly, betrayal can deeply impact a person and their relationship with another person. There can be enormous pain associated with this betrayal.
Another thought: what about the person who does the betraying? Is it intentional or accidental? Are they even aware that the other person is feeling betrayed?
This is a challenging and multifaceted subject to explore and one that is associated with pain, loss and grief. We will continue the exploration in my next blog.
Invitation for Reflection
- What thoughts, feelings, sensations and/or memories were sparked as you read this blog?
- How have you dealt with people who have betrayed you?
- Was their betrayal intentional or unintentional? What difference did it make regarding which it was?
- As you considered this information, can you think of a time when you were the one who betrayed someone? How does that make you feel? What, if anything, can you now do?
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute