In my previous blog I invited my readers to consider how Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs stresses the importance of belonging and some of the statistics about how loneliness, which is the antithesis of belonging, is its own kind of pandemic.
I suggest you pause for a moment and consider the possible groups you belong to, groups like your family and friends, community groups, groups of people with whom you share hobbies or activities, your faith organization, your connection with a political group, a sports group, and/or a support group, to name a few. Consider how being a member of one or more of these groups enhances your sense of belonging.
Let’s consider what can contribute to a decline in our sense of belonging. Think about the degrees to which media or the digital world can be a barrier to a genuine sense of belonging (for many, it can promote an artificial sense of belonging.) Author Mary Pipher in her book, The Shelter of Each Other, offers the following: “The media forms our new community. The electronic village is our hometown…. Relationships with celebrities feel personal. We are sad when our favorite celebrities die…. We ‘know’ celebrities but they don’t know us. The new community is not a reciprocal neighborhood like earlier ones….These vicarious relationships create a new kind of loneliness – the loneliness of people whose relationships are with personae instead of persons. Years ago, a sociologist postulated that there are a critical number of social contacts that a person needs every week to stay sane. He speculated that unless seven familiar people ‘interacted’ with the person, he or she would be at risk for mental illness” (pp. 13,14). Consider if you have had interactions with seven familiar people in the last week.
The website Science Direct shares a survey to help you assess your own experiences with connection and belonging. For each question, rate your level of satisfaction from 1 to 9. Once again, notice the thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, memories and beliefs that pop up for you as you do this.
- How satisfied are you with your ability to receive support from others when needed?
- How satisfied are you with valuing relationships and supporting others in times of need?
- How satisfied are you with interacting easily with people of different ages, backgrounds, race/ethnic groups, socioeconomic levels, and lifestyles?
- How satisfied are you with the time and energy you spend in community activities?
- How satisfied are you with how you communicate your feelings to people you are closest with?
- How satisfied are you with your ability to develop and maintain friendships?
- How satisfied are you with the amount of fun and play in your life?
- How satisfied are you with how you budget and balance time for responsibilities and relaxation?
So what do some experts suggest we do to cope with loneliness and increase our sense of belonging? Here are some suggestions from an article entitled, “How to Cope With Loneliness: 9 Strategies to Try.”
Join a class or club
They suggest you check your local library or community college as well as city parks and recreation departments to see what’s available.
Strengthen Existing Relationships
Make the effort to reach out to family members and friends, suggest activities you might do together, invite them over for a meal or just a conversation.
Adopt a Pet
Rescuing a pet combines the benefits of altruism and companionship and can help you connect with other people.
Talk to Strangers
Not in a creepy way, but sometimes there are people all around you that you could say hello to and even engage in a brief conversation. This might be somebody in the food store or a neighbor you see taking a walk.
Put away your smart phone so you can pay attention to the world.
Practice Self-Care
Make sure you are doing things that promote your own sense of well-being physically, emotionally, and relationally.
See a Therapist
If you realize you are struggling with depression and/or anxiety related to being lonely, you may benefit from some professional help.
There is information in my blogs that might add to these suggestions. You can go to www.dianewagenhals.com and look up topics like Finding a Good Therapist, Meeting Needs, Meeting the Needs of Trauma-Impacted People, How to Give a Hug (this one is about listening approaches), How to Affirm, to name a few.
By becoming more aware about and gaining an understanding of the subjects of belonging and loneliness, you enhance your abilities to increase your belongness and reduce your loneliness. It is a journey, not a once and done event. It isn’t always easy. But you are worth it and so are those with whom you are connected.
Invitation for Reflection
- Notice the degrees to which the information in this blog resonates with your experiences. Then notice how that makes you feel, what sensations you experience, any images, beliefs or memories that pop up for you.
- As you consider the suggestions in this blog, which ones resonate with you?
- What do you need to help you do that? Who can you turn to?
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute