As a nation, we just celebrated Memorial Day in order to honor those who were lost in combat. Each of these men and women had families that loved them and were forever changed because of their sacrifice. I’m sure each family had funeral services which provided opportunities for them to talk about the impact their loved one had on them and on their community.
This led me to the following reflections:
A few days ago, I attended a funeral service for a dear friend of mine who died after many years of suffering. I knew it was what she wanted and I am thankful she is no longer in pain and that she is in heaven.
While I was sitting in the congregation with many people I did not know, a kind of peace came over me and it made me appreciate that there was an almost palpable sense of shared grief.
For those of us who believe in God and believe in heaven, there is that peace that comes from knowing there is a whole world beyond this life for all of us to one day experience. [According to the Pew Research Center: “Pew Research Center studies have consistently found that around 70-80% of American adults who identify with a religion that includes a concept of heaven (primarily Christianity) believe they will go there. This number has remained relatively stable over the past several decades.”]
As I looked around at the people sitting in the pews, I reflected on the fact that each one of them was destined to one day depart from this earth, as am I. My hope for each one of them was that there would be some kind of service to celebrate their lives and to provide a way for others to express their gratitude for the ways they gave to their families and to others.
There were many tender moments during the service. When a grandchild took the podium to speak, she began crying and after many attempts clearly was not going to be able to go on. A few seconds later another family member came up to the podium, hugged her and then shared what she had written with all of us. To me it represented the best hope we have in our families: they are there to support and love each other, especially in times when someone is struggling.
Each of my friend’s two children described in detail the many ways their mother had contributed to their lives, to their family and to the community. They both talked about how she nurtured them while they were growing up, instilling in them the belief that they would succeed if they just tried hard enough. They talked about how she attended all their games and other events in order to show her love and support of them.
There was something about being in a beautiful old church with wooden pews and many engraved Biblical sayings on the walls. There were candles that created a soft glow and beautiful piano music was shared throughout the service. As a congregation we sang several hymns that also brought a sense of peace as we honored God’s ultimate plans for each of us.
Then there was all the hugging as people left the service. Even though I only knew a few people in attendance, I felt like our shared grief brought us all together to honor this mother, grandmother, aunt and friend.
I am thankful that I now have many new ways to remember my friend having learned more about her as a result of the funeral. Services like this allow us to both grieve and begin the healing process. Just as we take time to remember service men and women who gave their lives for our freedom, we are blessed to be able to have traditions like funerals that allow us to remember and celebrate the life of someone we loved.
Invitation for Reflection
- If you and your family have lost soldiers who served in the military, I hope you took time to be thankful for their lives and their sacrifices. It is important for all of us to be grateful because these men and women died in order for our country to continue to thrive.
- Consider funerals you have attended in your lifetime. As you reflect on them, what about them promoted a sense of peace for you? What helped you with your grieving process as well as your healing process?
- What would you like your funeral to include? What hymns would you like to be sung in the service? What Bible verses read? Who would you like to speak about your life to those in attendance? How would this design promote opportunities for healing and celebrating? [A suggestion: write down your wishes so your family knows what you would prefer to be a part of your funeral service.]
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute