In my previous blog, I invited my readers to learn about the ways parents actually can cast spells on their children and how powerful this often is in the lives of these children. I shared that the holidays can be a time of intense emotions that can make spellcasting even more powerful.
In this blog I’m going to continue providing information regarding what I think is a fascinating subject, including recommendations for the kinds of healthy spells parents and caregivers can transmit.
Reminders of some of what was in my previous blog: Spells can be defined as compelling incantations or formulas with magic qualities. They can be positive, negative or somewhere in-between. Parents and caregivers can use both good magic and bad magic. “Good magic can be distinguished from bad magic by the effect that it has on its recipient. If it has the effect of adding power to the recipient it is good; if it decreases power it is bad” (Scripts People Live, Steiner 78).
Unhealthy spells can prevent a child from achieving autonomy and personal freedom; they can keep a child from being able to see reality clearly: “You’re naturally lucky; things will always go well for you,” may keep a child from believing they need to try.
Healthy messages give “encouragement and attributions of intelligence, goodness, perceptiveness, beauty, health, etc.” (Steiner 77). Healthy spells affirm a child and encourage them to achieve autonomy and self-trust: “You are learning how to trust your feelings” (Breaking Free, James 43).
I now invite you to learn more about spells and magical thinking.
Since it is inevitable that parents and caregivers are going to transmit messages in a hypnotic way, they can be careful to use gentle, flexible, appropriate words rather than rigid, absolute, short-sighted commands.
Absolute commands can be dangerous even when the intent is to convey something positive, because they can set up impossible expectations. “You can do anything if you put your mind to it,” for example, is potentially unhealthy since so many circumstances are beyond control.
Suppose a woman was given this spell throughout childhood by her parents and caregivers; she is expecting her first child and really wants a vaginal childbirth. What happens to her if the physical circumstances are such that she must have a cesarean delivery? Will she believe that she “failed” to get through the vaginal delivery because she didn’t try hard enough?
If the message had, instead, been: “Sometimes you can succeed by trying your best,” she would have been programmed to look at her achievements and disappointments with more flexibility and been able to avoid the guilt and over-responsibility that can result from thinking (magically) that she had the means within herself to change the physical realities of childbirth.
There are some messages that merit being absolute.“Always wear a seatbelt,” “Never swim alone” and “I will always love you” are examples of relatively safe absolute messages parents and caregivers can communicate to children.
How spells are delivered often determines their power, what parts of a sentence are emphasized and when the statements are made (Scripts People Live, Steiner 77). A child told by a parent,“You are really a smart kid,” may start to receive the message as an affirmation, but it becomes a threat as soon as the parent adds, “…so you have no reason not to get all A’s in school.”
My good friend and colleague Suzanne O’Connor shared the following with me that offers some excellent recommendations for using hypnotic affirmations:
- Capture Attention: Lower your body, use the child’s full name (optional), and ensure eye contact.
- Speak Slowly and Clearly: Deliver the message using a soft, slow, and certain tone.
- Request Confirmation: When using Hypnotic Affirmations, the goal is to imprint a positive core belief and confirm attention/processing, not to coerce verbal agreement. The confirmation should feel like a collaborative ritual of acceptance, closure to the moment and not a demand for compliance. Forcing a child to say they understand when they are still processing, or if they genuinely don’t, can feel manipulative and violate the bodily autonomy and felt safety you are trying to build.
Examples of Hypnotic Affirmations (Casting Good Spells)
These affirmations address the core deficits of insecure attachment and self-regulation and are designed to be “seared” deep within the child’s identity.
Being aware of your power to cast spells on the children in your life and to do so in healthy, nurturing ways can create positive internal messages that become a part of a child’s core belief system, influencing their attitudes, beliefs and behaviors, and improving their emotional and relational health. In this time of the year when we celebrate the holidays, these behaviors can be a beautiful gift we can give the children we love.
Invitation for Reflection
- What information about spells stands out for you as valuable with the potential to influence your parenting?
- What do you predict might be an impact on your child? On your relationship?
- Do you have any concerns? How might you address these? (I recommend checking out the sources shared in this and my previous blog.)
Diane Wagenhals
Director Emeritus, Lakeside Global Institute